Saying Goodbye to a Loved One can be difficult. The final farewell is a milestone in our Life. For some it is even something that can’t be done. Yet for others, it is a turning point in their lives, that can decide the rest of their lives.
When you say “goodbye” to a someone, even under normal circumstances there is always a chance you will never see them again. When a Loved One is sick, those chances increase, and you also know this may be the final farewell. That is the point where you must confront reality. Everyone handles this farewell differently, some do not accept it where others do.
Three Farewells
When we are faced with the reality of the final farewell, individuals deal with it in one of three ways: Good, Bad or Not at All. This may sound very general, but it really does break down to these three ways. They are easy to recognize by the words and phrases we use in conversation and about our Loved Ones. I have been in all three of these positions and I have witnessed others, all three have ups and downs.
The “Good” way: This process for dealing with the farewell has phrases such as “They’re going to a better place” or “They won’t be in any more pain soon”. The individual will usually go through the normal stages of grieving. They will also be able to talk about the Loved One after their passing without much difficulty.
The “Bad” way: This process for dealing with the farewell has phrases such as “How can I say goodbye?” or “Why are you doing this to me?” and “Don’t you leave me”. The individual will usually get stuck in the anger stage of grieving. They will have a hard time forgiving their Loved One for leaving them. They will commonly blame their Loved One for the things that happen to the after their death. This can be dangerous but if the individual has accepted the passing, they are still intact with reality. Time is usually required to move through the stages of grieving.
The Worst Way:
Not at All: This is the most dangerous process for dealing with farewell. This farewell has phrases such as: “This is just a dream”, “This isn’t really happening”, “This isn’t real, that’s not really them”. The individual is in almost total denial of what is happening, even if they are involved. They will tell you they are just going to wake up and it will all be over. They may just block out the entire event as if it didn’t happen, as if it is someone other than their Loved One. The grieving process is almost non-existent, they will sometimes stop their lives or create new ones.
We need to allow ourselves to go through the process of letting go. When we don’t let go, it’s can have lasting effects on our future and the future of the ones around us. When we accept a Loved One’s passing, we allow ourselves to go through the normal process. This prevents blame and guilt from consuming us and destroying our lives. When we do not process our feelings, we create a hole that must be filled, one we fill with emotion of our own creation of anger, guilt, blame and resentment.
How To Say Goodbye?
How can you say goodbye? I don’t believe anyone is ever ready to say the final farewell, but you can be a little more prepared.
-Do it on your own terms, so you can make peace with yourself and your Loved One.
-Don’t let someone else rush you, only you know when you’re ready to let go.
-Make sure you say goodbye and mean it, don’t let a false goodbye end up holding you back from your future.
