Losing a Loved One changes your life, but when it happens on your birthday it can alter your future. This can make the approach of the date very difficult. Loss can transform your celebration of life into a mark of mourning. The reality is you have the choice.
Although my Mother passed away nine days later, I said my first goodbye on my birthday. She was very sick and had stopped responding to treatments. Her passing was both sudden and expected. I knew she was sick but didn’t think she would pass today.
My Mother didn’t respond when I spoke to her; I could only hold her hand and say, “I love you”. I watched her, counting her shallow breaths. Each breath was like a pendulum swaying, counting the minutes until she left this world.
The staff came in to inform me that I had to leave. When I asked about my Mom’s condition, they wouldn’t confirm my suspicions of her dying. The staff only replied, “The next few hours are critical.”.
The Picture
I stood looking around my Mother’s hospital room. The flashing lights from monitors bounced off the walls. The sound of beeping devices echoed from every corner. And lastly, was my Mother taking what could be her last breath. Like a flash with a polaroid camera, this would “forever be” the picture I saw when I thought of my birthday!
At that moment, I made the choice not to let my day go out like that. I would change how I viewed my birthday. I chose not to let the memory of my Mother dying represent my birthday. I took the two hours that I wasn’t allowed in the room to create a birthday memory with my family and friends. I didn’t view it as greedy for taking that time or creating those memories either.
Stopping Doesn’t Help
Not celebrating when a Loved One passes on your birthday doesn’t help, it usually makes it worse. It results in not recognizing either event, no healing can go on from lack of recognition. The objective is to create a positive memory to look back on. The goal in growing is to create positives from your negatives so you can move forward.
In the future, when your birthday approaches, separate it from the anniversary of the passing of your Loved One. You don’t want the anxiety of honoring a Loved One to cross over to your celebration of Life. They are two separate events, treat them that way and you will find harmony.
Don’t feel bad for celebrating your day of Birth because someone’s day of Passing arrived on that day. Life is about celebrating accomplishments, these are two of the greatest milestones in our great journey. Our Loved Ones want us to continue celebrating even when they are gone
