Losing a loved one can be called many things, both good and bad, in my case I discovered it was more of a journey. It started out like a very bad dream that turned out to be unrealistically true. It was a series of events so hard to understand that I could only view them as cruel jokes. For many people who have experienced the loss of a loved one, they can relate to these feelings.
Each Loss is Different
I lost my father very suddenly, we had lunch together on Tuesday and he was gone on Wednesday. There was no time for preparation or consideration just a series of events to react to. My mother passed away two years later. Her health had been a series of ups and downs for many years. I will never say that one can be prepared for loosing a parent, with my mother I was at least aware her time was near. I experienced two completely different sets of emotions; with my father I was completely helpless to stop it but riddled with guilt that it happened but with my mother I felt responsible for keeping her alive until she decided it was time to go.
Asking Questions
When my mother passed, the world around me demanding so much of my time. My life was moving so fast. I felt like it was going in slow-motion, regardless of my attempts to keep up I was being left behind. One day I reached a point where I couldn’t find any reason to move forward at all. This was the day I ask myself “Is this the life you want? Is this all there is?” my answer was “No”.
I regained control of my life with that question. I was no longer just reacting to the things around me, I was acting with intention. With that my journey took on a whole new direction. I ask myself the next question “what do I want?” then I started looking for the answer.
I started by making a list of what I wanted and need, by this point I had spent three years slowly sinking into this hole of unknown emotions. This hole I had created had affected every aspect of my life from family to financial.
Taking Back My Life With Goals
This first list was very simple it consisted of five things: a new purpose, new couch, happy again, sleep all night and gas money.
I know it sounds pretty lame, but I had to start somewhere and those were the things I needed to get me off the couch and doing something. I noticed very quickly these things had one thing in common, they required a new positive frame of mind to work so that is what I started with.
I read books like “Awaken the Giant Within” by Tony Robins and “The Millionaire Next Door” by Thomas J Stanley, Ph.D. These books expanded my view of the world, I could now see the life I wanted was possible. I began to see how my own limiting beliefs were stopping me from obtaining the things I desired.
I was able to see myself doing something other than just sitting on my couch thinking about my parents being gone. I was able to make a list that had real goals and dreams.
The journey continued with each list I made. I became happier and the negative, draining thoughts of my parent’s death slowly moved to the back of my mind. The thoughts associated with my parents passing had now become happy ones because I was remembering them, not just their passing. With the list I make now, I didn’t feel guilt for wanting things that were expensive such as a vacation.
A New Mindset A New Me
I reached a point in my journey where I noticed my thoughts changing. I could desire things without guilt and as a result I started bringing them into my life. The guilt of being happy had prevented me from moving forward socially, financially and in my career. I discovered that my parents would want me to be happy, they would want me to move on with my life. With that my journey continues; I have now written three books, I have a YouTube channel and help others to succeed after the loss of a loved one.
