Nothing hurts worse than the screams of a Loved One, except when those screams are directed at you. When you’re caring for someone you love and appreciation for this act is replaced with words of hate. What can you do, if anything to make this situation better?
Understanding Is Key
Understanding what causes the anger is the first step. The following is not exclusive, but are the most common reasons. (Remember, although the words seem directed at you, it is rarely about you.)
The three most common reasons for anger in a Loved One are:
1) Fear: Fear is one of the most powerful motivations for any action. Unfortunately, we do not realize fear is a cause of anger when we speak. We justify our words with other emotions.
2) Memories: In some cases, the lack of memories. When someone or something reminds us of what we want to forget, it triggers trapped emotions. Many times, we cannot handle these trapped emotions and the result is anger.
3) The Unknown: When we are uncertain about our future, it creates a feeling of fear with panic. The natural response to fear with panic is to become defensive. We are by nature creatures of habit. We do not like change.
Once you understand the common motivations for the anger, you can avoid some of them. Realize that you may never be able to stop all of them from happening. It’s OK. They are not yours to control.
The things you can do:
- Remember it is really not about you, no matter what they say. You may just remind them of a Loved One that is gone.
- Realize fear is a cause of anger when we speak. We justify our words with other emotions. It is not about who is “right” or “wrong”. You’re not trying to change the outcome, but rather the cause of the anger. Trying to change the outcome will create a fight, but if you are able to change things at the source, they will feel differently, and it will have a trickle-down effect.
- Lastly, keep a cool head and bear the anger. Be patient. Don’t take it personally. You will likely hear some unkind words, but endure the anger to get through an activity. Again, this anger isn’t a reflection of their love or lack of it. It is just a response to an emotion.
