There are milestones in your life that change how you view the world. Some events change both the present and the future, Loss is one of them. The loss of your parents is one of the most devastating experiences of all, regardless of your age.
No matter how close your relationship was, losing a parent is a life-changing event. It changes how you view the world. You will also feel differently towards almost every aspect in life. I noticed these for myself.
What You Noticed
1. No Tolerance for People Talking Bad About Their Parents
When your parents pass on, you realize just how valuable they were to you. Things that may have not mattered to you before, now become a potential sore spot. Your tolerance for how other people talk about their parents is very short. For example, hearing someone speak badly about their own parents is almost intolerable. You can’t help but notice, and you have a great desire to scream out, “Shut up and be happy you still have parents!”
2. You Belong To No One
Part of your identity is being someone’s child. When you lose that, your role of son or daughter is gone. You wake up one day and think, “I’m no one”. It’s difficult to think of yourself in the same way once you have lost that piece of your identity. You are now the top of your family tree, no matter how many members are in your family. You have just moved up in the ranks, very suddenly, whether you like it or not. It is a very sobering reality.
3. Holidays Are Never The Same
Your parents may have been the glue that held the family events together. This was the case with my family. You may not want to celebrate at all, even if you have your own children. It just doesn’t seem right to celebrate a holiday without your missing parent. Whatever it is, you just never feel quite the same about holidays after losing your parents.
4. Emotional Reality Check
After your parents passing, you will be forced to face your true, authentic self. Emotions and feelings that have been suppressed or disguised will often suddenly come to the surface. While many of the life lessons and views passed down to you may remain, you may also discover a whole new identity. Having been stripped of their presence in your life and influence you are open to unbridaled feelings.
5. You See Your Parents In Everything
Virtually every person you see will remind you of your parents in some way – including features you see in yourself. Everyday, commonplace items and activities once unnoticed, now become triggers. These triggers will remind you of things your parents once did. You will catch yourself often whishfully thinking or saying, “My parents used to do that”.
What Doesn’t Change
You never stop trying to call them. You still desire to share your life with them, even though your parents are gone. Your need to speak to them or to hear their voice . The first thing you think of is to call them. Out of habit or reflex, you continue to hit that “call” button to talk to them for years after they are gone.
These are just a few of the memorable things I noticed when my parents passed. There were other things I noticed, but these left me with a sense of dismay when I discovered them. These discoveries helped me recover after the passing of my parents.
Please feel free to share your own discoveries with me.
