Almost everyone has experienced the emotion of grieving. But what happens when the active grieving becomes a state of being?
In most cases, grieving is marked in five common stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. No one can say how long it will take to go through any of these stages when you lose a loved one. There is also no way to tell how each stage will affect each person.
There is a common transformation that occurs during the grieving process that is often missed. Many people get stuck in one of the stages of grieving and it becomes a state of being. A state of being can also become a mindset or even a way of life.
When a stage becomes a state, most people don’t realize it has happened. They realize it hurts from the loss of their loved one. They often know that they are having problems but they do not know why. It will appear to others as though the individuals are embracing the stage.
How can you break free from a state?
If it is you or someone you’re helping, it is still the same process.
First, you must acknowledge where you are stuck. You must ask, “Why am I stuck here?” The answer may not come right away but it will. The spark from the question will ignite the subconscious. It is the question that is important. This act causes a change in your thought patterns.
Second, ask, “What am I afraid of?” Fear is one of the most powerful motivators. It can propel us forward or freeze us in place. Third, ask yourself, “What is one thing I can do to move forward?” The simple act of searching for what to change can set your mindset to one of acceptance. This leaves room for change in your own mind.
There are no concrete answers to fear. No concrete answers will tell you what stages you should be in at any given time. The goal is not to get stuck in any one stage but to try to flow through each one of the stages, while learning lessons and growing from them. As long as you are flowing through the process at your own pace you can learn and heal. Remember, like life, losing a loved one is a journey not a destination.
